I wasn’t planning on making my first post to “OUCH, I feel the Pain” so quickly. My plan was to finish helping Barry get “OurHallway” site up (as we endlessly try to learn the ins and outs of Word Press themes, widgets, hierarchy, posts vs pages ……..) and then work towards getting my Fiber Art site up. HOWEVER COMMA …….. I “stand” with 2 computers, at my kitchen counter trying unsuccessfully to accomplish the above mentioned “Word Press challenges” … and my challenge begins with focus being centered almost completely on the back spasms I am having … one after the other, as in childbirth, only the simulated baby is trying to exit through my left leg. Did I mention the baby is on fire? I secretly hide the sadness and fear as my husband kisses me goodbye and travels off to a day of work. Today was SUPPOSE to be my 3rd in a row attendance to a real, live, sit in chairs (though I stand) church named Brentwood Bible Fellowship. Great peeps there (… though I am highly socially awkward). In recent months … OK, years … my puppy dogs and I have been internet attending Bethlehem Baptist Church in Minnesota and Grace Family Baptist Church in Houston, TX (p.s. It really is a family church …. I hear screaming babies in the background literally every sermon).
On a side note as I digress from the subject of pain (which I find myself oddly trying to avoid … lol), it is hysterical to me that I am seriously considering becoming a member of BBF … because it is also a Baptist church. I had a seriously painful experience at a Baptist Church when I first became a Christian in the 70’s and made an agreement with myself that I would never become a member of a Baptist Church again. Not only is BBF a Baptist Church…. but, this church is seriously into being friendly … yikes …. again, socially awkward … LOVE unfriendly churches … ha! But, that is the thing about being a Christian, once you give your life to Christ, His divine plans take precedence over ours …. No matter how many agreements we make with ourselves!
ANYWAY….. The thing about pain is …….. well there are just so many “things” …. that it is so LOUD to the person feeling it and so SILENT to everyone else. It was somewhat troubling and also freeing when I learned at the Pain Clinic this summer (A big shout out to all my beloved H.E.L.P. Pain Clinic peeps) that pain is 100% in your brain. Hmmmm. Its, true …. This baby I am feeling trying to come out my leg is really a message my brain is sending …. (For who knows whatever reason …. that I am soooo not into…) I learned that our bodies have a “blue print”. When something alters that blueprint … such as spilled coffee, a bee sting, broken arm … the change in our blueprint tells our brain to send a message creating “awareness” that something is wrong and needs to be attended to (Call 911!) … Chronic Pain, however, is an entirely different thing. The injury has healed … blueprint back to normal …. But, the messaging system remains. My take on it is … besides the fact that is sucks …. (Yes, Brittany Hall I used the word sucks … reserved only for Cancer and Chronic Pain) … is … that as a perfectionist … my blueprint has dried from the spilled coffee …. and all the body parts are now able to use it correctly, but my brain is distraught that there is a “spill mark” remaining …. In the shape of a baby … trying to exit through my leg.
With all that being said …. The life of a CP’er (Chronic Pain) often is forced to make random, unexpected, unwanted diversions from best laid and highly desired plans. I have learned, HOWEVER, not to let those times keep me from planning and living life to the fullest … though I am definitely still a work in progress.
p.s. I just realized this is quite a momentous day. First it is my sister-in-law, Nicki’s birthday (Happy Birthday! Tomorrow is Birthday Cake Day!) Second, it is the 15th anniversary of my original injury date AND …. The first posting of my blog! Crazy!
Factoid for the day: My hubby introduced me to a new word this morning … “cluesie” … he calls it a Barry-ism … but its definition is: a path that is not well laid out and needs clues to move you forward. Don’t you just love it “cluesie”!