It has been a while …. I make no apologies … mostly because I am aware the entire internet-i-sphere has not be waiting with baited breath for my next posting. Also, there is the reality of my new “catch phrase” …. “It is what it is”. I have learned a lot since last I posted. What you ask? Let me share ….
“It is what it is”. I often spend great amounts of energy trying to make things/people what they are not and/or what they were never intended to be. ~ I did not like that my mom was financially forced to sell her “home” recently to move into a small senior apartment. But, it was what it was. We both tried to take it day by day through the selling and moving process. It turns out she is quite happy in her new little space. ~ I do not like that my husband and daughter are the most out-going “social” people on earth, but when I ride the wave of hospitality … I most often have a great time, despite the pit in the bottom of my stomach that tells me I would rather be reading a book …… alone. ~ I do not like living with pain 24/7 … but, it is what it is … I am to celebrate the good things of life anyway. It is what it is …. Move forward anyway!
Every dollar counts in the kingdom of God. The last few years have been financially “tight” for my husband and I. Because of that, we have had the blessing of seeing God’s provision when normally we would have just provided for ourselves. There was the day that an envelope with $12 showed up in my Bible …. I had been fretting internally because I had no gas and needed to run important errands for both of our mothers. Yes, the $12 gave me just enough gas to run the errands and make it safely home. This type of provision happened over and over again the last three years …. usually, it was not provided tell just a moment before it was needed. Truly there were some real cliff hangers!!!! As things are freeing up a “little bit” financially for us … I am quite aware there are others out there that are needing God’s $12 last minute provision. I want to be used by God to fulfill that provision. It is not always about a $100 donation and a bucket of ice. It may be holding off on the purchase of a long desired new purse to help a teen get to summer camp. I have learned that weather it is $1.00 or $1,000,000.00 …. Every dollar matters.
Prayer is not about telling God what we need, but, asking what we can do to glorify him brightly. Yes, I do still tell him what I think I “need” … but, I also ask him to help me differentiate between “need” and “want”. Amazing how most things REALLY fall under the “want” category no matter how I try to rationalize it. Sad face. There was a point last month where my mom’s home was closing, all contingencies had been lifted …. and we still had no idea where her next “home” was to be. (Most senior/subsidized apartments have at least a 2 year wait). My prayer continued to be … “Lord, you and I BOTH know that “shelter” is a basic need … so I ask you to provide that shelter, but even more, I ask that I can glorify you brightly during the waiting process”. An opportunity arose and we jumped at it even though everything within my being did not feel “right” about it. One week later, another apartment came available in a different complex nearby that seemed like the perfect fit … except it was not available until 2 weeks after she needed to be out of her home. I was assured, despite the inconvenience of a double move 2 weeks apart, it was the right choice for mom. When we went in to sign paperwork, the manager told us that a different apartment would be coming available immediately. Admittedly, my first spiritual reaction was “Lord, why couldn’t you have provided this from the start, removing, what I perceived to be, unnecessary chaos?” Quickly I realized, early provision eliminates the opportunity to faithfully and patiently glorify God brightly.
There is pain on this side of the Kingdom of Heaven. It is not about me trying to rationalize that pain until it makes sense … but, for me to keep faith anyway. July 12, 2015 my nephew married the girl of his dreams. Ten days later, his first day home from their honeymoon, he was diagnosed with cancer. I tried to make sense of this turn of events …to see it from God’s perspective … but, I could not. As I watched them move forward, step by step, in faith and grace … I saw their ability to glorify God brightly in a dark situation. ~ I meet people who have had my type of back surgery, and they are walking freely, without pain. I cannot accurately conclude why I was the one with the “mistake”. I can only choose to move forward with grace and faith …. brightly.
Last but not least …. My new vocabulary word (thank you K.D.!) “monopulate”.
Monopolize + Manipulate = Monopulate
Moving forward, in faith, with Christ …… Tell next time!